I don't even know who still reads or updates xanga (because I certainly do not).  But, just in case anyone does and would like an update on yours truly, here it is.

I have a boyfriend.  The most amazing and fascinating boyfriend anyone could hope to have.  He's incredibly kind, thoughtful, intelligent, talented, and encouraging.  He's hilarious.  We've been dating one month TODAY and I can't believe someone like him could want me, but he does!  I am very blessed to have him in my life, and when I talk to him my day is brightened.  We are alot alike, but it's our small differences that make us have an amazing balance in our relationship.  He makes me very happy, and he makes me want to better myself...something I've never felt compelled to do in previous relationships.  He's great...GREAT for me.

I just wanted to share that.  Thank you and goodbye. :)

Ash

Scratch that, please.

First date, good.  Bad date, not so good. 

Please, Dear Jesus, tell me when it will be my turn. I know that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...but sometimes it seems the longer I wait, the more impatient and weak and sad I get.  I know that waiting is supposed to be WELL worth it.  So, I'm just saying, that it had better be GOOD when I get it because i've waited a long time. 

It always seems to me that sluts (yes, sluts) and people who give themselves freely to anyone and everyone around find love so easily.  And yes, I wonder if it's real love.  If it's lasting love.  If it's deep love.  And if it is, then I wonder why they found it before I did.  I feel like I'm a decent person with a reasonable amount of inner and outer beauty.  I think I have alot to offer.  I think I'm unique. And I've waited for so long.  SO long.  So what's the deal? 

Yes, it's self-pity time for Ashley and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.  I've had a hard day only to come home to silence in the apartment, and I've had time to think. 

And then I think about how shady some of my friends are.  I think about how much effort me AND my best friend/roommate put into going and visiting and catching up and seeing people in the past, and how pretty much no one made the same effort to or come see us. I can count the number of people on ONE hand that have made efforts. I think about the many folks from my Natchitoches college days that I will probably never see or speak to again.  I think about a once VERY close friend who has decided to ignore me even after all of the shit he put me through.  And that friend I guess really isn't much of a friend.  He's always been sketchy.  And he's always dropped me like a bad habit whenever someone new and improved came around.  Whatever.  I guess I STILL haven't learned...but I have...just...whatever.  It's gotten to the point to where, if he ever needs something, he probably shouldnt come to me.  Because I'll probably snap.

You learn who your friends are as you grow a little older...and you also learn who to weed out and who really isn't doing you any good.  I know I certainly know who the shady ones are...and the ones to not trust.

I'm through complaining. 

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